the one thing that stays mine
by ginandkerosine
Summary: [.akuroku.AU.] you'll sit alone forever if you wait for the right time. what are you hoping for? [chapter 2]
1. chapter one

_**Disclaimer:** Don't own Kingdom Hearts or any of its characters, unfortunately. Also don't own any lyrics by Jimmy Eat World._

A/N: OKAY, so here it is, the super seekrit fic I've been working on for the past few months. It's my first chaptered fic in a long time, so let's hope I keep up with it, eh? Hope you all enjoy it!

P.S. wtf, the horizontal line thingie isn't working...

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**the one thing that stays mine**

PART I

.chapter one.

Roxas blinked his eyes open slowly, not really sure what had woken him up and feeling slightly annoyed at the fact that his sleep had been disturbed. He closed his eyes once more, trying his best to get back to sleep but finding himself unable to suppress the nagging feeling in the back of his mind that was telling him that there was a reason for him to be awake. Roxas had to admit it was a strange feeling; one that sent shivers creeping up his spine.

Heaving a tired sigh, he glanced at the digital alarm clock sitting on his bedside table. Its red numbers flashed the time brightly in his face, forcing him to squint as he read them. Two-thirty in the morning exactly. For a split second, he could have sworn he heard something like a book shift on its shelf and he whipped his head around to see if anything or anyone was there, but he saw nothing but darkness.

Shaking his head as if to scold himself for being so childish, Roxas sat up, swinging his legs over the side of his bed and planting them on the soft carpet. He took a moment to yawn and stretch tiredly before making his way out of his room, ignoring how light the air seemed in the hallway as opposed to the heaviness he had felt in his room. The hallway was pitch black, which would normally have felt comforting to the boy, but tonight was daunting and gave him the feeling of being watched. He shook his head again.

"Stop being stupid," he whispered to himself as he made his way downstairs and into the kitchen. Roxas opened the refrigerator door quickly, silently thankful for the light it emitted into the dark room. He swung the door open fully, allowing the light to stay in the room with him as he snatched a pitcher of cold water and poured it into the nearest glass he could reach. He wasn't sure why he felt the need to light up the dark room that night, especially since he had always felt comfortable in the darkness. It didn't frighten him like it did most people.

Setting the pitcher of water down, Roxas reached for the glass and brought it to his lips, tipping his head back and letting the cool liquid pour into his mouth, bringing him to his senses. He downed the glass of water in one gulp, placing it in the sink carefully before grabbing the pitcher and setting it back in the refrigerator again. He let the door close reluctantly, the discomfort of the black room returning and making it seem as if the trip for the glass of water was superfluous.

Roxas made his way back upstairs, his eyes darting around the hallway neurotically, but finding no one there. Figuring his paranoia was a result of little sleep and the dead silence that rang throughout the house (he couldn't even hear his father snoring a few rooms away), he pushed the door to his bedroom open and entered.

It wasn't until he had closed the door behind him that he noticed a dark figure sitting at the foot of his bed. His heart skipped a beat, and he found himself frozen, so startled that the instinct to scream or cry out was strangled. Only the cascading light from the moon filtering through his window illuminated the shadowy figure. The blonde boy would have grabbed the baseball bat he kept next to his closet door had he not recognized the figure's scarlet hair. Roxas blinked his eyes slowly, his mouth hanging open in pure shock. The figure turned his head toward the blonde boy, a wry smile tugging at the corners of his lips.

"A-Axel?" Roxas stammered quietly, his eyes wide with surprise and something like fright. He didn't know whether to run or stay where he was. Not that it mattered; he'd lost the ability to move his legs.

"R-Roxas?" the boy sitting on the bed replied, mocking Roxas's frightened voice. He chuckled to himself, amused. "Surprised to see me?"

It took a few moments for Roxas to get over the shock of finding the older boy sitting on his bed at this hour of the night. How was this possible? How had he snuck in without Roxas knowing? At least, Roxas thought, this explained the reason he felt like someone had been watching him, which, in all truth, was not a very comforting thought. It was creepy, but Roxas went with it anyway. Axel had been his best friend after all. Roxas found himself laughing inwardly. The term 'best friend' just didn't seem to fit. Either it was an understatement, or he was using it far too loosely.

"What's the matter with you?" inquired Axel, tilting his head.

Roxas shook his head. "Nothing," he lied.

Axel rolled his eyes as he folded his arms tightly across his chest, standing up and moving toward Roxas's bedroom window. He looked much paler and skinnier than usual, but Roxas figured that was just the way he seemed to hide in the shadows. He also was reminded just how tall Axel was, standing at least four or five inches above him. The redhead was merely a year older than the shorter boy, but looked and acted as mature as a twenty-year old. Well, most of the time anyhow.

For a while Roxas merely observed Axel, who did nothing but stare out of the window at the dark night sky. Roxas noticed that there weren't even any stars out that night, which made the moon seem brighter than it really was.

"What's with the coat?" said Roxas in an attempt to rid the two of the awkward silence that had fallen between them. He motioned toward the long black coat Axel was sporting. Axel broke his gaze from the sky to glance down at it, shrugging.

"I don't know, exactly," he replied, running a finger along the zipper than ran down the coat from top to bottom. "I'm surprised you're more interested in what I'm wearing than why I'm actually here. You're not checking me out, are you?" He quirked an eyebrow at the younger boy, who was now shaking his head furiously.

"Of course I'm not, asshole," Roxas shot defensively. Axel returned the insult with a laugh.

"I was just kidding around. You were always so insecure about yourself."

"Yeah? And you were always a prick."

Axel laughed some more, shifting his weight so that he now leaned with his back against the window, darkening the room with his shadow. His motions seemed so fluid and graceful that for a second, Roxas almost believed Axel really was just a shadow in the room.

"It's a wonder how we get along, isn't it?" Axel said with a smile.

"Like hell it is," Roxas agreed, feeling his muscles finally relax. "Sorry, I'm still getting used to the fact that you somehow snuck into my room. You, of all people…"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Axel snapped, his shoulders hunching over broodingly. "Am I not allowed to sneak into your room anymore?"

"You never were in the first place. Especially not now, considering—"

"Considering what?" Axel pressed loudly, his emerald eyes piercing into Roxas's blue ones, giving the younger boy goose bumps.

"Now who's being defensive?" said the blonde boy plainly, making his way over to his bed and taking a seat on it, never once tearing his gaze from the older boy. "So, why are you here this time, Axel?"

"I thought you'd never ask," Axel replied, breaking his eye contact with Roxas to instead focus on fidgeting with the sleeves of his coat. "The truth is, I really don't know why I'm here. I thought you might be able to help me with that."

"Wait, you don't what?" repeated Roxas, slightly dumbstruck. As if Axel randomly appearing in his room hadn't been confusing enough, it didn't seem like he was going to get a reason for the sudden intrusion. He stared at the other boy, who was too busy messing with his sleeves to notice. Roxas found himself glaring at him. "You barge into my room while I'm sleeping and you won't even tell me why?"

"I told you I didn't know why," snapped the redhead, raising his voice in frustration. Roxas noticed how his brows furrowed and heard the low growl that escaped his lips. The blonde boy rolled his eyes, exasperated with the fact that Axel still had not grown out of his temperamental self.

"Can I ever have a conversation with you without you getting so fucking impatient with me?" he replied, watching the flicker of rage growing slowly in Axel's eyes. He always had been one who was easily angered.

"You'd be pretty damned impatient if you were in my position, too, Shorty," Axel shot, glaring daggers at the confused blonde.

"And what exactly is that position, Axel?" snapped Roxas, returning the glare defiantly. "And can you please keep your damned voice down? I don't want my entire family thinking I'm talking to myself!"

"Well, that's what you're doing, aren't you?" said Axel calmly, albeit somewhat accusingly. He made his way over to his friend, taking a seat next to him. Roxas noticed how the bed barely shifted with Axel's added weight. "I mean, I'm just a soul and a body aren't I? Do I really count as a person?"

Roxas stared at the taller boy quizzically. "What are you talking about?"

Axel shut his eyes for a brief moment, letting out a small sigh. When he reopened them, Roxas noticed they were glassy, and that the expression on Axel's face was one of regret, guilt, and pain – emotions Roxas never knew the redhead was capable of feeling.

"Well," Axel started, turning to look straight at Roxas unblinkingly, "I am dead, aren't I?"

Roxas felt his breath catch in his throat as realization set back in, the expression on his face now mirroring Axel's. He felt something stinging in the back of his eyes, and blinked a couple of times in a failed attempt to rid himself of the feeling. It was so surreal; Roxas would have backed away very slowly had he not felt it before. His heart sank into his stomach, and it was a long time until he could find his voice once more.

"You died six months ago."

Axel nodded slowly, focusing his gaze on the floor. "Pretty fucked up world, isn't it?" he said with a hollow laugh. He turned to look at his friend, who was trembling slightly. "You all right?"

"No." Roxas shook his head, closing his eyes. "No, no I'm not. B-But I will be once I wake up…" He chuckled uneasily, bringing a hand up and rubbing the back of his head. "D-Don't worry, I've had this dream before… Thank god, I thought I was going crazy for a second…"

The redhead shifted uncomfortably, bringing one knee up and hugging it to his chest. The air had grown much heavier in the past few moments and neither of them was very fond of the feeling. "I hate to tell you this, kiddo, but you're not dreaming."

"O-Of course I am," Roxas replied with a shaky voice, crawling over to his pillow and proceeding to lie down and pull the covers up to his chin. "You're dead. You're gone. Axel, you died…" The redhead sighed.

"Keep saying it, Roxas. I never get tired of hearing it." Axel shifted his position on the bed once more so that he was lying next to his friend, staring up at the ceiling.

"I…" Roxas wasn't sure what he was trying to say. He was focusing all his concentration on the tears that were threatening to fall. He didn't even know why he was so determined not to let his guard down in front of the older boy. Axel had seen him in much worse shape before. Roxas let out a shaky sigh. "I-I need to go back to sleep."

"All right," said Axel quietly. "Just know that I'll still be here when you wake up. I didn't know this was going to happen when I…" His voice trailed off softly. "Well, you know. This isn't a dream, Roxas, it's fucking real."

Roxas nodded, but still continued to silently cling to the small hope that he actually was dreaming. He'd been haunted by dreams of Axel before, so why should this be any different? "O-Okay, whatever you say."

Another moment of silence fell around the two boys. The moonlight had disappeared, and all that was left was the pitch-black room, Axel's presence, and the sound of Roxas's staggered breathing.

"Axel?" Roxas whispered into the darkness.

"Mm?"

"I need to ask you something while you're still here… It's been b-bothering me since… Well, since—"

"You want to know if I blame you for what happened to me?"

Roxas turned his head toward the other boy, his mind blank, and his expression desperate. Axel turned to meet Roxas's gaze; the look in his eyes was as soothing as the words that next escaped his lips.

"Of course I don't."

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A/N: The pure mystery of it all! Well, how was it? Feedback is greatly appreciated, and I mean _greatly_, 'cause I live off criticism. Er, of my work that is, not myself personally. Anyway, I'm not sure how often I'll be updating this, but I'll try to make my updates somewhat consistent. I'm determined not to let this one fizzle!


	2. chapter two

_**Disclaimer: **Don't own, never will. I'm so sad._

**A/N: **OH MY GOD, I'M SORRY FOR HOW LONG THIS TOOK, and I know you're all going to kill me when you find out this chapter's been sitting on my computer for a very, _very_ long time. :apologizes profusely: I just haven't had the time to update... I'll try to be more efficient in the future. D: Okay, enough of my babbling. Onto the fic!

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**the one thing that stays mine**

PART I

.chapter two.

_"Roxas, you dumb shit, I'm trying to tell you something!" Axel screamed, eyes ablaze and glaring desperately at Roxas, who refused to meet his heated gaze. _

"Fuck off, Axel, I'm not in the mood to hear it," Roxas snapped, wrenching the door open forcefully, revealing the hallway behind it. "Get out."

"Wha—Get out?" growled the older boy in disbelief, clenching his fists and refusing to move. "You can't tell me to get out!"

"Like hell I can!" Roxas returned, fists clenched now as well. "I'm sick of your fucked-up bull shit! You think this is the right way to get attention? You're fucking crazy."

"I'm NOT crazy," replied the redhead, his voice turning shaky. He reached up, massaging his forehead and shutting his eyes. "I-I'm just…I don't know. I'm not well."

"And right now, I'm not interested," said Roxas unsympathetically, knowing in the back of his mind that he'd kick himself in the ass later for his behavior. He always did. They'd had this fight before.

"You're just scared." Axel's voice had evened out and he was now staring at Roxas so seriously that the younger boy was taken slightly aback. "Scared of what I might have to say."

"You're out of your mind."

Axel shook his head, making his way slowly toward the door. "I'm not, and you know it," he said stonily as he entered the hallway. "You know it because you're going through it, too. You'll get it one day." Roxas slammed the door behind him.

When Roxas awoke later that morning, he found himself entangled in his bed sheets, little beads of sweat clinging his hair to his forehead. He noticed there were tears in his eyes as well and blinked them away without a second thought. After all, he'd woken up this way so many times he'd forgotten what it was like to enjoy a dreamless sleep. He turned his head to glance at the space next to him, letting out a sigh of relief when he failed to find Axel beside him.

_"Just know that I'll still be here when you wake up."_

"Once a liar, always a liar," said Roxas with a chuckle, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes before getting up out of bed and making his way toward his dresser, grabbing the first shirt and pair of pants he could reach.

"I've never once lied to you, Roxas."

Roxas whipped around, dropping the clothes in his hands and pressing his back against the dresser in attempt to get as far away as he could from the redheaded figure now sitting on his bed in front of him. His hands were shaking and his pulse was racing. He opened his mouth to say something but his voice was nowhere to be found.

Axel sighed, leaning back on his elbows casually. "I thought you were okay with me being here."

"I—" squeaked the younger boy, fighting with all his might to regain his voice, but nothing could relax the shock of realizing that your dead best friend really is standing in your room. "I—I"

"You…?"

"ROXAS!" came a loud shout from the hallway, startling the boy in such a way that he jumped backwards into dresser, his voice leaping back into his throat just as three loud knocks sounded at his bedroom door. "YOU AWAKE YET?" Thankful for an excuse to leave the room immediately, Roxas quickly opened the door and bolted into the hallway, slamming it shut behind him.

He cleared his throat in hopes that it would lower itself a few octaves. "Yeah, of course I'm awake, Sora, you dumbass. Who the hell can sleep around here with you screaming bloody murder in the hallways?"

Sora rolled his eyes, shoving his brother aside and reaching for the door handle.

"Hey!" Roxas exclaimed, pushing the other boy back forcefully. "Who the hell said you could go into my room?"

"Move it, Roxas," Sora replied, completely unfazed. "You borrowed my favorite shirt the other day and I want it back." He reached past the blonde boy swiftly, but Roxas was faster, slamming the door once more when Sora managed to crack it open.

"I'm telling mom!" said Sora threateningly, glaring at his brother. "Give me my shirt back!"

"Don't be such a crybaby, you mama's boy." Roxas gave him another shove in the chest, expecting the brunette to throw him a punch or kick him, but Sora just quirked an eyebrow at him.

"Me, a crybaby?" he said, folding his arms tightly across his chest, and tilting his head in mock intuition. "As far as I know, it wasn't me who was sobbing into his pillow at three in the morning. What's wrong, Woxas? Bad dweam?"

Roxas glared at him. "How the fuck would you know?" Sora winced at his vulgarity.

"No need to swear, Roxas, geez," he said. "It's just that twin intuition we've got." Sora tapped his own forehead.

"We're fraternal," said the blonde boy plainly. "That psychic twin crap doesn't work with us."

Sora shrugged. "Yeah, you're right, I could hear you sobbing all the way down the hall. Now MOVE." He shoved Roxas aside, ignoring the small thunk he made as he connected with the wall.

"Sora—NO!" But it was too late. Sora had swung the door completely open, revealing Axel still sitting on Roxas's bed, a mixed expression of surprise and amusement dancing over his features. Roxas watched in horror as Sora walked into the room, stopping dead in front of the redhead. He appeared to have frozen on the spot, a feeling in which Roxas could definitely relate.

There was a beat of silence, and Roxas was sure that his brother would snap out of it and start screaming again.

"Ah, there it is!" Sora exclaimed, running past Axel toward Roxas's desk, which was cluttered with various notebooks, video game cartridges, and, of course, dirty laundry.

Roxas watched his brother in awe as he grabbed a shirt draped over a pile of comic books. Had he really not seen…? No, that's not possible… But didn't he just…?

"I'm guessing he can't see me," came Axel's voice so suddenly that Roxas jumped, abandoning his thoughts immediately..

"What?" said Roxas absently, turning toward his friend.

"What?" echoed Sora, holding his beloved t-shirt out in front of him, examining it for signs of mistreatment.

"What?" Roxas turned back toward his brother, who in turn shot him an odd look that screamed the words 'you're nuts'.

"You're really weird in the morning, Roxas," said Sora as he folded up the shirt and tucked it under his arm before heading back out the door, closing it behind him. Roxas noticed that he, once again, failed to take into account Axel's presence.

Feeling the sudden need to sit down, Roxas leaned back against the closed door with a thunk, sliding to the ground slowly. "I must still be dreaming," he said quietly to himself, shutting his eyes tightly against the boy still sitting on his bed. "I just need to wake up!" His eyes snapped open, but Axel remained in front of him, brow furrowed in confusion.

"What the hell are you doing?" he said, watching Roxas shut his eyes deliberately then open them again a few seconds later.

"Trying to wake up," the blonde replied, closing his eyes once again.

Axel sighed, walking over to the other boy, who had now reopened his eyes and was pressing himself back against the door, looking up at him in fright. He merely stood there for a moment, towering over the poor younger boy, never thinking he'd ever see the day when even his best friend was afraid of him. Axel leaned down, reached out and flicked Roxas on the nose.

"OW!" yelped Roxas, covering his nose with both hands and glaring up at the taller boy. "You jackass—what the hell was that for?"

Axel laughed, straightening himself up and peering down at his friend. "Violence always did bring you back to your senses."

Roxas stood up, shaking his head and brushing past Axel to pick up the clothes he had dropped earlier. "Yeah, and? You haven't proved anything except that you're a jerk even in my dreams."

Axel tapped a finger to his chin thoughtfully. "Oh, really? I thought you couldn't feel pain in dreams." Roxas grumbled something incoherent, tossing the clothes in his hands onto his bed. "Give it up, Roxas, you're not dreaming, all right?"

The blonde boy sighed. "I know I'm not," he muttered, finally attempting to allow himself to give in. "It was just nice pretending that I was dreaming and not going crazy."

The redhead twitched. "You're not going crazy."

"Then why are you here!"

Suddenly, the door opened, revealing a very annoyed Sora. Roxas stared at him for a moment, his chest heaving slightly.

"What?" he snapped.

"Mom says to stop talking to yourself and come down for breakfast."

"I'll be there in a second," Roxas replied, pushing the door closed.

"I almost forgot how annoying that kid was," said Axel once Sora was gone. "You sure he's sixteen?"

"Seventeen," said the blonde boy automatically, slipping off his shirt and replacing it with the one he had laid on the bed earlier. "We turned seventeen three weeks ago."

"Oh," Axel replied awkwardly, lowering his gaze to the floor. "That's right. Sorry I missed—"

"Stop it," Roxas interrupted sharply, busy buttoning the pair of pants he had just tugged on. His expression hardened as Axel looked back up at him. "Don't go there. Let's just… Let's just talk about it after breakfast." He turned and headed out the door.

"Look, Roxas—"

"BREAKFAST."

Breakfast that morning turned out to be more awkward and frustrating than Roxas expected. Axel had followed him downstairs and proceeded to stand off to one corner of the dining room while Roxas's and Sora's mother, Evelyn, served her two sons pancakes and waffles. The redhead's constant gaze was unnerving, however, and Roxas, who refused to meet that gaze, proclaimed that he no longer had an appetite after only one Belgian waffle. Sora didn't mind of course, and helped himself to the rest of Roxas's breakfast.

"Are you feeling all right, sweetie?" said Evelyn, surprised at her son's lack of enthusiasm for the food in front of him. "I thought waffles were your favorite."

"I'm fine, mom," Roxas replied as Evelyn reached out and placed a palm on his forehead. He quickly swatted it away stubbornly. "I don't have a fever, I said I was fine."

"Are you sure?" his mother asked, still looking him over. "I heard there's some sort of flu virus going around. Apparently, the kids next door have it and I wouldn't want you or your brother to—"

"Mom, I swear, I'm fine," Roxas insisted, forcing a reassuring smile. "I just, er, ate a lot last night and I'm still full." _My dead best friend is also currently inspecting the refrigerator and probably wondering if there's a way to open it without freaking everyone else out, but oh, yes, I'm fine. Just fine._

"Well, all right," replied Evelyn with a defeated tone of voice before flicking out her wrist to check her watch for the time. "If you say so. Anyway, I've got to get ready for work. Don't blow up the house while I'm gone, and Sora?"

"Yehff?" Sora mumbled, finally looking up from his plate, half a pancake sticking out of his mouth. Evelyn rolled her eyes.

"Make sure you save some of that for your brother when he eventually decides to eat. You know I don't trust you two to cook anything, especially not after that pizza fiasco."

"Roxash wando make duh biggesht pisha roll!" Sora shouted as his mother made her way upstairs and into the hall before turning back to his stack of waffles and pancakes.

"I remember that," said Axel suddenly, causing Roxas to peer up at him. He was pacing around the kitchen silently. "You could see the mushroom cloud coming out of your chimney all the way from my house." Roxas snorted, trying his best to hide the smile sneaking onto his lips. Axel caught it, however, and was just about to open his mouth to say something about always being able to make Roxas smile no matter how pissed off he was when Sora chimed in.

"What're you laughing at, you psycho?"

Roxas shot an icy glare at his brother, who had finished his breakfast and was now scraping his fork irritatingly about the leftover syrup on his plate. The blonde boy sat back in his chair sullenly, glowering at his untouched waffles. Was Axel really in the kitchen rearranging refrigerator magnets or was Roxas really just a psycho? He wasn't fond of either option, and both of them scared him. What was worse was that he had no idea how to deal with the alarming situation fate had train-wrecked into his life, and wasn't really sure he was ready to hear what Axel had to say about his rather untimely appearance. Then again, this wasn't the first time the redhead had made Roxas's life a living hell.

It seemed even in the after life, Axel was determined to keep himself on Roxas's mind.

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**A/N: **Just a quick announcement... I have to deal with play practice now, along with school, so updates will be slow. I know updates were slow to begin with, and I'm sorry, but my muse has been out of whack as of late. D: I blame the stress of school, college apps, and Les Miserables -- I'm Eponine btw, omg! So, leave me a review to cheer me up. :D Chapter three is half-way done, so stay tuned for more! 

P.S. Yes, I'm totally pro-Sora-and-Roxas-being-twins-or-brothers.


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